Adolescence and the Identity Crisis

February 9, 2019
Stan
adolescence, Parenting, Teens
0 Comments

In the social jungle of human existence, there is no feeling of being alive without a sense of identity. –Erik Erikson

Erik Erikson (1902-1994) spoke from experience. In his adulthood, he would explain how arriving at the door of adolescence was cause for confusion about who he was and how he fit into his community. Mysteries surrounding his parentage, rejection from peers because of his Jewish faith, and questions regarding his blue-eyed blonde Nordic appearance—all contributed to Erikson struggling with forming his identity.

Erikson’s own experiences propelled him to develop a theory in the 1950s about how our identity is formed through childhood and into adolescence. His work has been used for several decades by psychologists and counselors worldwide. From the formation of an infant’s trust in parents to evaluation of our lives as senior adults, Erikson recorded what most of us typically see in our children, in ourselves, and others.

Eight developmental stages (from age 0 to 65+) comprise Erikson’s Theory of Psychosocial Development. During each of the stages, two conflicting ideas must be resolved successfully in order for a person to become a confident, contributing member of society. Failure to master these tasks leads to feelings of inadequacy. You can read about the eight stages HERE

We have all heard the term, “identity crisis”. This term was coined by Erikson. He identified two stages as “crisis” points in a person’s development of personal identity.

Crisis #1 starts at around age 12. (Parents, research confirms what we already know!) This stage is called Identity vs. Role Confusion and typically lasts until around age 18. In other words…the teen years.

(For those of you interested, Crisis #2 is during the Intimacy vs. Isolation stage, ages 18-40.)

If you are the parent or grandparent of a teen, or a teacher of teens, think about what this age group faces every day. You were there once upon a time. Developing a unique and individual identity while still being accepted and fitting in with others—that is the challenge as well as the crisis point. Who do they want to be? How do they want to be perceived by others? What picture are they painting of themselves?

Crisis #1–Developing a unique and individual identity while still being accepted and fitting in with others

Erikson believed that successful navigation of this crisis stage will result in healthy, well-adjusted adults. They will be able to share their life with others without losing their own identity.

In thinking about this today, a busy train station came to mind. It is as if we are on a train which carries us to our next life stage. It never seems to slow down and does not ask if we are ready to arrive. It just dumps us off at the station.

When our youth arrive at adolescence, they enter the busiest and most confusing station they will encounter in life. It is a “grand central station”– a hub full of constantly arriving and departing trains. The station is jammed with young passengers, all in motion and all trying to make their connections. Confusion abounds.

For your teens to thrive as they continue their journey, they should arrive at this Identity Station with the following understandings:

They need a clear vision of their ultimate destination.

What it means to be a man or to be a woman… What it means to be the people of God… What it means to contribute to something bigger than themselves.

They must know who will give them the right information.

Who will they listen to? Who is the proper authority among all the shouting voices and shoving crowds?

They must know what it means to stand with the truth.

Will they move boldly with confidence in spite of others challenging their decisions?

These understandings are critical to your child’s psychosocial development. As they seek to discover and develop their identity (and, as we seek to help them build it), there are many voices eager to define who they are. Without a strong support system, it is easy for our children to submit themselves to what is not true.

Parents, you can build a strong identity wall for your children by focusing on the following in your home:

Developing family identity and traditions
Facilitating intergenerational interactions with trusted adults
Validating your child every day
Encouraging your child’s strengths and positive qualities
Modeling confidence in and reliance upon God’s Word

I recently heard a song by Hillsong Worship, “Who you say I am”. What does God have to say about your child’s identity? About their gender, their gifts, promises for their future? You are for me…Not against me…I am who You say I am.